I’m not going to make a very long intro here for the reason that you just need to look into your reality from another point of view. We as individuals commonly mix up our deep feelings with our emotions created practically instantly by some situations. Only the thoughtful ones, or the moms and dads who have read this article (!), are able to put their emotions and impulsive reactions on the side and always communicate what they really feel inside of them. I’m going to reveal to you what “I hate my child” really signifies. Kids are good at pushing our buttons, they make us be impulsive, do or say things we can regret.
Let me be more straightforward here. Thinking “I hate my child” is the normal consequence (yes, I mean that) of the bad emotions that keep being accumulated. The emotions and situations I’m talking about probably are your best enemies at this moment: discouragement, anger, over-protective feeling, lack of time, irritability, defiant behavior in your little one, not being listened to, no compassion from your kid or spouse, tiredness… It is a bad circle for a main reason, usually really hard to admit: You misinterpret your kid’s behaviour and think you’re a victim. I am not being harsh here, it’s a fact you really have to face. It is exclusively when you put things in perspective that you can react in a different way and for that reason take the time to reevaluate your real feeling.
3 questions you must ask yourself:
* Is it my anger (or any other bad emotion) that pushes me to say I hate my child?
* Do I hate him (his personality) or his actions?
* What if I am impacting on his behaviour?
A wrong behaviour in a little one is a way of expressing himself. You have to show him alternate options, become aware of what hides a tantrum. I am not blaming you. I remember when I was so angry and exhausted that I used to shout, wanted to spank, was reacting impulsively to avoid a tantrum. That is the worst thing to do.
Your role is, with other things, to teach things to your little one, to prepare him to the adult world. Teach him what’s wrong and right, how to communicate his feelings, help him have a good image of himself, and so on. No one ever claimed parenting was simple! There’s a part of your little one that you don’t perceive at this time and there’s a side of your personality that your child does not see either. You know so little of your kid, how can you really say and mean “I hate my child”? Think about it.
No one is a bad parent. Communicating with children is something we have got to learn for the reason that we are not born moms and dads. You have to take into account that every reaction you have has an immediate impact on your little one’s behaviour. That is why, today, you think it’s part of his personality but it isn’t. Children aren’t adults, they aren’t “finished”. Impulsivity does not give any place for true feelings. Also, be mindful of what hides your little one’s words. If a kid says “I hate you”, he does not mean it, trust me, he doesn’t understand what hate is. Always make a distinction between your little one and his behaviors, which you can change.
The conclusion of this is: “I hate my child” hides a different feeling, a true one, this is: “I hate my little one’s behavior”. It has nothing to do with your love for your little one! Don’t feel guilty! If your kid has an intolerable behavior, it is normal to dislike it. The truth is, you can not ask and expect your little one to change his behaviour if you don’t improve yours first. Did you ever try to react in a different way? To remain calm and speak softly? This is important.
I think the other articles I published could help you, in particular the ones about how to communicate in a better way with your child. You need comprehensible advices to use. If you are prepared to make a change happen, you’ll succeed. Support might be helpful too, I know what it is to struggle alone (even with your spouse) and have questions unanswered. Some pretty efficient parenting programs exist that you could apply. What I like is that they give the right tools to understand children and an easy-to-apply guide to make a lasting change in your child’s behaviour and your relationship with him. The full support is priceless.
“I hate my child” will not be part of your vocabulary anymore if you promptly do something about the problem and focus on what you have got to transform in yourself first. You won’t feel overwhelmed by your parenting “job” again. Every parent can overcome this feeling and get peace back.