Surrogacy: Is it for you?

When deciding if surrogacy is for you, you have to consider many things. Nobody ever wants to talk about the cost, but in all honesty that is what you have to think about first. Love is great, but it doesn’t pay the bills.

Gestational surrogacy can cost upwards of $75,000. Traditional surrogacy can cost much less. You have many options with either, but let’s focus on traditional surrogacy.

Traditional surrogacy is where the surrogate uses her eggs, and your husband’s (or your chosen donor’s) sperm. The baby is biologically the surrogate’s, but legally yours and your husband’s. You will need to do a step-parent adoption. Some states make it easier than others. Either way, there are extensive legal fees and processes involved.

Choosing your surrogate is something you should do with your husband (or with a close friend/relative if you’re single). If you choose to go with an agency (I do not recommend it, they make big money off of you, as an intended parent), be prepared to give up some control of your surrogacy journey. Agencies like for you to think that you are in control, but in all reality they are the ones with the ball in their court – is that really how you want YOUR surrogacy journey to go? You have to think about these things.

After you’ve chosen a surrogate, you need to make sure you both agree on everything. When screening surrogates, there are obviously some questions you will ask up front. But other questions can be asked in the next part of the screening process. If you’re sure she is the surrogate for you, then start by getting her a lawyer (a different one than the one you are using, conflict of interest) and make sure you set up an escrow account (for your protection, and hers).

No matter how great your surrogate may seem, please do not forgo getting an attorney for each of you. This may be the most crucial thing in your whole journey together. It’s for your protection, and for hers.

After contracts are signed, the real process starts. You can choose to do home inseminations (I do not recommend doing these more than once – if she does not get pregnant the first time, try IUI). If your surrogate does not become pregnant within 3 cycles, you will need to get your husband’s sperm tested. If it is fine, you will need to get your surrogate tested. Make sure you’re tracking her ovulation with her and that everything is cycling correctly, and that you’re doing the inseminations on time. If you’re doing home inseminations, fresh sperm is best.

After you achieve pregnancy with your surrogate, it’s time to enjoy your (her) pregnancy. Be as involved as you can, because your child will want to know as much about this time as possible.

Once the baby is born, respect your surrogate and let her have time alone with your baby if she chooses. You will have him/her for the next 18+ years, so let her have a few hours to say goodbye. For some surrogates, this process is harder than others. Just give her time, and space, and then you can take your baby home and continue on with your life, with your new little bundle of joy.

Keep in touch with your surrogate if that is what you agree on. Do not lie, or go back on your word, just because you have your baby in your arms. It is important to hold up your end of the “deal”, just as your surrogate did.

Count your blessings every day and be thankful for your surrogate, and for your bundle of joy. They grow up too fast.

The toddler years

After a few months of carefully nurturing your baby comes the toddler years. Toddler is a little bit easier than the newborn babies. No more sleepless nights of breast feeding, no more every hour of changing diaper. Your child will now have a schedule of feeding. Toddler years or what they called the growing years is a fascinating time for child and parents. This is the time that your child will grow his or her own knowledge and behavior. So every behavior that you choose to show it to your child could well become his or her own. Some of your child teeth have already grown so you will be shifting from rubber chewing toy to high chairs or walker. This is the time your child will most likely be eating solid foods. He or she will become sort of tired of the taste of milk. He or she will be fascinated with the taste of different food like fruits or vegetables. This is the time he will try to stand up or better yet walk on his or her own. It is really a sight, a fascinating sight to hold for parents to see their child growing and learning in the toddler years.

Sleep Apnea in Children

Sleep apnea is a serious sleep disorder which affects many people all over the world. Even children get afflicted with this disorder. But it becomes difficult to diagnose it. If the child behaves awkwardly or aggressively or daytime sleepiness is noticed then it must be attended quickly. Some of the causes of sleep apnea in children may be poor eating habits, allergies, weight problems, mouth breathing, tonsils etc.

Some of the symptoms of sleep apnea in children are:

Aggressive behavior
Lack of interest in activities
Poor performance at school
Daytime sleepiness
Depression
Irritability
Lack of concentration
Sleeping during lectures
Snoring

The main symptom of sleep apnea in children is pause in breathing for a few seconds or minutes and resuming back to normal with a choking sound.

One must know that there are no medicines for sleep apnea. However, some form of treatment will bring relief to the problem of sleep apnea in children. If sleep apnea is because of weight then in that case weight loss will be an apt way of getting rid of this. Bringing about some modification in lifestyle will also be helpful. It is important to talk to your doctor about this problem. He will be the best person to guide you.

How to Motivate Children for Studying

Children love playing. In fact, they love everything except for studying. But studies play an important role for making their future better. Thus, you as parents must motivate them for studying. But firstly, you must find out as to why your child is not interested in studies? Is it because, he is having some problem or is suffering from low self esteem or something like that. There are some important guidelines that you must follow to motivate your children for studying:

There must never be comparison among children. If you compare your kid with his friends or your neighbors or other children and keep on reminding him that he is not good in academics then your child will lose his self confidence. He will never be inclined towards studies. Rather than getting into such comparisons you must gently explain your child the importance of studies.

Many parents have habit of making promises to the child that if he finishes with his homework, he will be rewarded with a candy. But don’t bribe children. Explain them that he is studying for making his own life better. Bribing the child must never become a habit.

Keep control over your temper. Rather than scolding, punishing or criticizing your child, be patient and maintain a free flow of communication with him.

How to Deal with Aggressive Children

Many children have the trait of aggressiveness which is really tough for the parents and the family to handle. It is not that they become aggressive only because they want the things to get done in their way. There are many reasons for such an aggressive behavior of your child. Some reasons include comparison of child with others, sibling rivalry, parents scolding child every now and then, bad experiences with friends and school etc. It is important that the parents find out the reasons behind such behavior and deal with that patiently.

Some efforts that parents must take to deal with aggressive children are described here:

Be calm and composed: Do you know children imitate and learn what their parents do in front of them. You must therefore be very careful in front o your children. If they see parents fighting, verbal and physical abuse, aggressive behavior around them, they learn the same. You must therefore try to show good behavior in front of children so that even they learn to remain calm and composed during testing times.

Keep a watch on your temper: You must not get into scolding and spanking to discipline your aggressive child. You must deal with this situation tactfully. Remember, to every action there is always equal and opposite reaction. So, if you discipline your child aggressively, he will not change. You must be very cool and explain him things.

Accept the fact that even children have self respect: You must never forget that a child is an individual with self respect. If you hurt him with your words every now and then, he will show aggressive behavior and will become an aggressive person in the long run. Respect him.

These suggestions will be helpful in dealing with the aggressive child behavior.

Kick Off Thumb Sucking Habit in Kids

Thumb sucking is a very common thing among kids. May be, this was the habit that has been formed in the womb itself. And when these kids feel hungry or thirsty, what they do is suck their thumb. Of course, we find babies too cute especially when they are sucking their thumbs. But in the long term this habit is not good. Children must get rid of this habit when they are two to three years of age.

But even after five years if children can’t kick of this habit, it is a matter of concern. Here are some tips that will help you to cope up with this issue:

Although this behavior of thumb sucking is common among children, you must discourage this habit since their infancy stage. Normally, children take up thumb sucking when they don’t feel comfortable. So, don’t keep them hungry and comfort them even when they are sleeping.

Don’t hesitate to remove the thumb from your kid’s mouth; he will get up from sleep. Gently remove thumb from your kid’s mouth.

Try to keep those things away that are associated with thumb sucking. Say, if there is some blanket or something else that has connection with thumb sucking, keep it away from your baby.

When your child starts understanding things you must explain him the effects of thumb sucking and how unhygienic it is.

Divorce is Traumatic for Children

Divorce is really traumatic for children. That’s the reason why it has to be handled properly. Divorce is a very sensitive issue. Children are too young to understand the implications of divorce. Also, watching parents fighting everyday can create mixed emotions for children. The tension will be carried forward for many years to come. It is therefore important to handle your divorce properly.

Following are some of the tips that will help your child to receive some emotional support at the divorce stage:

You as parents must ensure your children that in any case, mother and father will always be available in life.

It is always good to make children free of any kind of guilt. You must tell that they are not to be blamed for divorce.

It is always better to part ways in peace. All the problems connected with divorce must be discussed in advance including the custody, financial issues etc.

You must tell children that since you and your partner were not compatible, divorce was the only option. Don’t bad mouth your partner, in any case.

Ask your children to speak freely and put emotions into words.

Be a good listener to your children then only you can expect frankness from them.

Disciplining Child Peacefully

Spanking and any kind of physical punishment is not an acceptable way of disciplining children. If you indulge in such kind of physical punishment then there are chances that the child may get hurt physically as well as emotionally. It is therefore important to find an alternative solution to discipline your child peacefully.

Avoid reacting immediately to your child’s actions. Rather, control your anger at that time. Calm down. And then ask your child the reason for behaving in such a manner. If you get into physical punishment every now and then you are actually making the child stubborn. Remember, there is nothing you can’t solve. You must rather go for milder punishments like not giving the child his favorite cookie for that day or not letting him watch his favorite carton film etc.

You must always praise positive behavior of your child. At the same time you must make it clear that any kind of negative behavior or rule breaking thing won’t be acceptable. Discipline your child peacefully or else there will be tension in the relation and the child may become bull headed. You must have control over your temper and must hit only after the child has crossed the limits.

Activity Ideas For Autistic Children

Autistic children are incapable of communicating and interacting with other people freely. The treatment includes teaching them importance of social activities. So, if you want to train them socially then there are a few things that you can do for them.
You can tell social stories to them. The story must relate to some kind of social interaction and communication of a child. This will be an ideal approach and help the child to strengthen his own skills and strengths. Using board games, musical instruments, puppet shows etc. are some of the activity ideas that are apt for an autistic child. Such activities will help him in boosting visual stimulation, enhancing listening skills and bettering communication. Autistic children must be kept in touch with other children. At least this will help these kids to develop their communication skills. Outdoor games like follow the leader or tag can be very helpful for autistic children. Apart from this they must be taught as to how to ask for help, how to work out solution in an emergency situation. It is important to teach them that panic is of no use under any urgent situation. Tell them how society always helps and gives and how they can ask for a helping hand.

Inculcating Good Habits and Values in Children

Children are like wet cement and whatever falls on them makes an impression. This saying has a very deep meaning. Remember, you are the role model of your child. And so, you must try to inculcate good habits in your child. But merely guiding and teaching won’t help. You will have to yourself practise good habits in front of your child. Then only he or she will learn.

Good habits merely does not mean teaching mannerisms. But it actually means putting forward the right way of life.

Many parents do not understand that what effect they are laying down on their children by fighting in front of them. Parents must always show respect towards each other in front of children. They must speak softly, eat right and eat properly. Only when children watch right things in front of them, they will be convinced that these are right things and must be adopted.

Tell your children the importance of morals and ethics. Let them understand how important it is to live rightly. Show them the importance of money management. Live rightly then only he will learn from you. Give them good books to read which show importance of good manners and way of life.

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