Surrogacy: Is it for you?

When deciding if surrogacy is for you, you have to consider many things. Nobody ever wants to talk about the cost, but in all honesty that is what you have to think about first. Love is great, but it doesn’t pay the bills.

Gestational surrogacy can cost upwards of $75,000. Traditional surrogacy can cost much less. You have many options with either, but let’s focus on traditional surrogacy.

Traditional surrogacy is where the surrogate uses her eggs, and your husband’s (or your chosen donor’s) sperm. The baby is biologically the surrogate’s, but legally yours and your husband’s. You will need to do a step-parent adoption. Some states make it easier than others. Either way, there are extensive legal fees and processes involved.

Choosing your surrogate is something you should do with your husband (or with a close friend/relative if you’re single). If you choose to go with an agency (I do not recommend it, they make big money off of you, as an intended parent), be prepared to give up some control of your surrogacy journey. Agencies like for you to think that you are in control, but in all reality they are the ones with the ball in their court – is that really how you want YOUR surrogacy journey to go? You have to think about these things.

After you’ve chosen a surrogate, you need to make sure you both agree on everything. When screening surrogates, there are obviously some questions you will ask up front. But other questions can be asked in the next part of the screening process. If you’re sure she is the surrogate for you, then start by getting her a lawyer (a different one than the one you are using, conflict of interest) and make sure you set up an escrow account (for your protection, and hers).

No matter how great your surrogate may seem, please do not forgo getting an attorney for each of you. This may be the most crucial thing in your whole journey together. It’s for your protection, and for hers.

After contracts are signed, the real process starts. You can choose to do home inseminations (I do not recommend doing these more than once – if she does not get pregnant the first time, try IUI). If your surrogate does not become pregnant within 3 cycles, you will need to get your husband’s sperm tested. If it is fine, you will need to get your surrogate tested. Make sure you’re tracking her ovulation with her and that everything is cycling correctly, and that you’re doing the inseminations on time. If you’re doing home inseminations, fresh sperm is best.

After you achieve pregnancy with your surrogate, it’s time to enjoy your (her) pregnancy. Be as involved as you can, because your child will want to know as much about this time as possible.

Once the baby is born, respect your surrogate and let her have time alone with your baby if she chooses. You will have him/her for the next 18+ years, so let her have a few hours to say goodbye. For some surrogates, this process is harder than others. Just give her time, and space, and then you can take your baby home and continue on with your life, with your new little bundle of joy.

Keep in touch with your surrogate if that is what you agree on. Do not lie, or go back on your word, just because you have your baby in your arms. It is important to hold up your end of the “deal”, just as your surrogate did.

Count your blessings every day and be thankful for your surrogate, and for your bundle of joy. They grow up too fast.

Buying Gifts for Babies

Whenever there is the birth of a baby in the family, there is a lot of joy, happiness and celebrations. And it also means buying gifts for the new member of the family. So what are ideal gifts for a baby? What will a baby like? After all, he is just a baby! Fear not! Here are some useful and helpful suggestions for buying gifts that babies will use and new parents will appreciate. Just remember to carry it with you on your baby gift shopping trip!

1. Baby Clothes – A great option. A baby can never have enough clothes. Better still buy clothes in a size bigger than current, since babies grow at the speed of light and can change clothing sizes faster than you can think.

2. Chairs, Bouncers, Car Seats- These are more expensive and may require a few of you to pool in with funds but trust me, the new mom and dad will love you for these gifts. They are must-haves and will be on every new parent’s shopping list.

3. Toys and Books- Yup. A baby enjoys being entertained so go ahead and buy that cute musical elephant or the colorful fabric book. Cot mobiles, rattles, teethers are all great options. Buy a few of them and bundle them with a book.

4. Blankets and Baby Furnishings- Baby linen, blankets, towels, and other furnishings for the nursery will also be much appreciated.

For more on ideas for baby gifts, do read New Baby Gift Baskets. It will give you great tips. You could also, read How to Buy Baby Bedding and Furniture and get tips on buying the best quality for the littlest member of the family.